Planning ahead

We are all different. Some of us plan ahead while others may not want to think about preparing for end of life until they have to. Unfortunately, some people become very unwell very quickly and this can stop them from having time to let others know what they want for and after their death. 

Being clear about decisions, organising money and legal documents can be reassuring for patients and important for family members after the death of a loved one. Putting plans in place and sharing them with family and friends will make sure your wishes are known. It is good to do these things while you feel well, because it may be “too hard” later.

“Good preparation for end of life can be done using resources that currently exists. There is comfort in knowing that things are all in place.” Peter, cancer patient

An Advance Care Plan (ACP) can be made at any time – this helps make sure that loved ones and the health care team know what your health and personal care values are.

Medical Treatment Decision Makers (MTDM) can make decisions about treatments on your behalf if you are not able to because you are unwell. The MTDM is either someone you formally appoint or a person close to you, such as your partner/spouse, adult children, your parent(s) or adult siblings.

It is the responsibility of the medical treatment decision maker to understand and feel prepared to clearly follow the persons wishes should the situation arise that the person is unable to make decisions themselves.

Powers of Attorney are legal documents that allow the person you nominate to control financial, and lifestyle decisions. Find more information at Powers of Attorney.

A will is a legal document which sets out how you want your belongings shared out when you die. Whether you have lots of money and belongings or very few, it is important to have a valid will. Most people want to make sure that they can pass on what they have to the people they want to have it after they die. Find more information at Victoria Legal Aid.

“Norma put sticky labels on her belongings to show who she was leaving things to. It was very sensible because it stopped any disputes in the family after she had died. Carrying out her wishes was very straightforward.” 

“Near my chair you'll find the funeral booklet I've created. It's all in there, including the music. You can select the photos.  I'd like the grandchildren to say something if they're brave enough...and I've chosen my outfit - Bury me in the ugly, pink dress. You'll know which one I mean.”  Vanda, died of ovarian cancer  

More people are planning their own funerals or may organise a celebration of their life while they are still well enough to enjoy a social gathering.

Most funeral directors and celebrants are happy to talk with individuals and families at any time (and usually without any charge) about planning a funeral or a ceremony.

Some people may never have been involved in organising a funeral. Information for families and carers is provided in the Peter Mac resource When a loved one passes away and  will help with understanding what needs to be done when someone dies. You can also seek support and guidance from your cancer team.

“Mabel was an independent woman who raised 3 kids on her own. With the help of her son- in-law she had written her own eulogy when she was diagnosed with dementia a year or so before her death. It was shared in her memorial, it was very moving. It really felt like she was talking to us” Friend of Mabel

Families and cultures have their own traditions and practices and ways of thinking about death and remembering people who have died. 

We are all different and, where possible, hospital staff will accommodate and respect you and your family’s wishes.  Talk with the doctors or nurses looking after you (whether in outpatients, the ward or the palliative care unit) about priorities and practices that are important to you when you are being cared for.