My Journey through Breast Cancer, Intimacy, and Self-Love
11 October 2024
When mother of two Patrice Capogreco discovered a lump in her breast at the age of 41, she never imagined it could be cancer.
Breast cancer seemed distant - something that affected older women, especially those with a family history of the disease.
"I’m embarrassed to admit I'd found the lump months earlier but assumed it was nothing," she reflects.
It was a lover’s insistence that prompted her to seek medical attention - only to be diagnosed with stage three breast cancer.
Four tumours had joined together in her left breast, spreading to her lymph nodes and thrusting her into a battle for her life and a whirlwind of life-changing treatments, including a mastectomy, the removal of 13 lymph nodes, six months of chemotherapy, radiation, and a ten-year hormone therapy plan.
Amidst the physical and emotional strain of cancer treatment, she found herself grappling with another, often unspoken, aspect of the disease—its impact on her libido and intimacy, which she says is often just seen as a “casualty of cancer treatment”.
Her hair fell out, her breasts bore scars, and she suddenly had to come to terms with this new version of herself.
“I just got to a point where I couldn’t look at myself in the mirror – it didn’t matter how much makeup I put on, or if I wore a wig, I just felt like cancer,” Patrice explains.
Patrice Capogreco during her treatment with daughter Goldie
From rock bottom, she started to rebuild with mental health support that started to make her reevaluate her body in a new light – and it was then she started looking for resources about sex and intimacy after cancer.
“There was nothing out there for people like me so I decided to write the book I couldn’t find,’ Patrice says.
What she penned is a candid exploration of love, sex, and intimacy after cancer - a collection of love stories and personal reflections and an ode to self-love and acceptance.
Patrice's journey wasn’t just about surviving cancer; it was about reclaiming her body, her sensuality, and her right to intimacy.
Navigating dating post-treatment was a big challenge, unsure how others would feel about her body.
"Dating is hard enough as it is, let alone trying to do it with one boob and no hair!"
But she fully embraced her scars as badges of honour – being upfront with dates about her cancer journey and her body.
“For some people, my scars may be confronting – but for me, they’re a reminder every day how strong I am,” she says with pride.
Her experience also opened her eyes to a gap in cancer care and the lack of conversation around sexual wellbeing, which she says should be treated as an essential part of recovery “just like mental health support or physical therapy”.
“Marvin Gaye didn’t call it sexual healing for nothing,” Patrice quips.
She’s now an outspoken advocate for integrating discussions of sexuality into cancer treatment, her voice helping push boundaries and to get the conversation on the table.
Her message to others battling with self-image and intimacy issues after treatment is to “be kind to yourself and know that the dark place will pass."
"I’ll never call cancer a gift, but there are things I’m grateful for that came out of it. I can enjoy the rest of my life in ways I wouldn’t have before,” she says.
Through her resilience, vulnerability, and determination to live fully, Patrice has not only reclaimed her life but is helping others find hope and empowerment.
Patrice’s story will soon be featured at a special Peter Mac event on October 28 for Breast Cancer Awareness Month, where she will join a panel of authors and breast cancer survivors hosted by ABC’s Jacinta Parsons. You can get your free tickets here.
For information about Patrice and her book Fk with Cancer, see her website.
And you can connect with Patrice via Instagram.